The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.
Q: How did the elephant destroy the database? A: His truncate it.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles... See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles... See 83 errors, pitches computer.
Chuck Norris can access private methods.