Joke #13797

I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.

Q: Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? A: No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

Q: What do builders use to make websites? A: Com.crete.

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI...

Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a Tennessee mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon, an Army barber sheared his head. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon, an Army dentist yanked several of his teeth. On his third day, he was issued a jock strap... The Army is still looking for him.

A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?". The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?" The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!" The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"

Facebook had a dislike button, then Chuck Norris joined. Nobody dislikes Chuck Norris.

Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.

Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!" "Don't you mean netsurfing?" "No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”