Joke #13797

I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.

Chuck Norris can find Osama Bin Laden!

Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter.

Q: What do you call a black man on the internet? A: The dark web.

When you have a question you check with Google. When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!

PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?" Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."

What about Where does a General keep his Armys? In his sleevies!

I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click." "Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle." "What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."