Joke #1389

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did. The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can’t hear you." The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can’t hear you." Finally, the priest yelled, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" Again, the reply was, "I can’t hear you." The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question." So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?" To which the priest replied, "By golly, you’re right, you can’t hear in here!"
Vote:
has 80.87 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: church, men, money, priest, wife
A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."
Vote:
has 84.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: men
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Vote:
has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Why does a man prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.
Vote:
has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: blonde, men
Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra? A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.
Vote:
has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, viagra
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Vote:
has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: golf, men, sport, winter, women
Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.
Vote:
has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men
What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: men