Joke #1389

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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has 83.14 % from 340 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, men, wife
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: hunting, men
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
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A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: cop, love, men
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!" "That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts." A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!" "Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!" Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died." "No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims. "Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: bar, marriage, men, single
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked." With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!" She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!" With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left. The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
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has 85.48 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: men
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: holiday, men