What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.
What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
Chinese and American are in a plane. Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.