Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.
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How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
Vote:
Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor.
When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear.
Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
John admits that he did.
She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."
They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work.
On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m.
He pays Bill's wife $100.
They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves.
When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"
Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."
Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?"
She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100."
"Good," Bill says.
"John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
"Lisa, why are you so angry with me?"
"Because I'm Christine."
Why does a penis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"