Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.
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Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce.
The priest was surprised.
"Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife? She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so, she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned. I really can’t see what you have to complain about."
The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said, showing it to the priest, "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful piece of work and nicely proportioned."
"Ah"” said the priest, "a parable."
"In a way, Father," replied the man. "I’m the only one who knows it pinches."
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dic-tater.
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?
Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in
the worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded.
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
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