Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
2 boys searching for their lost girlfriends: 1st: How your girlfriend look like? 2nd: 5'6, hot, sexy, blue eyes... what about yours? 1st: Forget about mine.. lets search for yours.
Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.