Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
Ones the bus was full of people. A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear. Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admits that he did. She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work. On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill's wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves. When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?" She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"