Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
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So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride.
"Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance."
Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him.
"It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye.
"Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?"
"I just don't like her", she replied.
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Chuck Norris doesn't daydream.
He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
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Sorry, I'm late.
I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
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A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
My dogs don't even own bikes.
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".