Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
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Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?"
Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree.
They asked me to bring it."
Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants."
Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!"
Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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Joke has 79.11 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
"That's total bollocks" I replied.
By text, from across the road.
Vote:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
Me: "I love you."
You: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
Vote:
How do you make a cat be a dog?
Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match.
It will go 'WOOF.'
It can buy a House
But not a Home
It can buy a Bed
But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock
But not Time
It can buy you a Book
But not Knowledge
It can buy you a Position
But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine
But not Health
It can buy you Blood
But not Life
So you see, Money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering...
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
A more true Friend you will never find.
Vote:
"Wow, look at that! Isn't it beautiful? Let's destroy it."
-People
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry.
Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown.
She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep.
She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?"
The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car.
The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"