Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
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A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall.
Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way.
He got a bag of chips and a drink.
He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit."
And walked away.
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I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
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KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.
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Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."