Joke #14196

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious that Israeli how he does it.
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has 78.68 % from 288 votes. More jokes about: jewish

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Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.
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In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. "Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks." "I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied." Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out. "What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room. "Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed." "Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic." "I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?" "Jesus, Son of Mary." "Where was he born?" "In a stable." "And why was he born in a stable?" "Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"
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has 76.88 % from 871 votes. More jokes about: god, jewish, racist, time, winter
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
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has 63.75 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
How do you get a Jewish girl's number? You pull up her sleeve.
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Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza. A: One comes out of the oven alive.
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has 21.59 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: jewish, morbid, racist
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.” The priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “I’m telling everybody!”
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has 78.75 % from 453 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, jewish, old people, priest
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
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has 70.66 % from 830 votes. More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
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has 47.61 % from 270 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Hitler, jewish
The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"
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has 71.58 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: jewish, military, school, student, time
A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.
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has 35.34 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: black humor, ethnic, jewish