Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
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Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green?
Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
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Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
"Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
Four men were stranded in a desert.
Suddenly, 1 of them died.
The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.
The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."
The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
He answered, "Because there was extra time."
During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks:
How did you get tickets?
From my brother - respond Petya.
And where is your brother?
At home.
Looking for his ticket.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
Three holy men rode a plane home.
There was a terrorist on board who of the firm belief that the world should end.
Who should talk him out of it.
The pilot and his crew gave up and believed the holy men should live.
In the remains was a burnt soccer ball labeled flame retardant.
And a melted black box.
The holy men still live to tell the tale.
And so does the football.
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
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James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'