Joke #14303

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!

Three holy men rode a plane home. There was a terrorist on board who of the firm belief that the world should end. Who should talk him out of it. The pilot and his crew gave up and believed the holy men should live. In the remains was a burnt soccer ball labeled flame retardant. And a melted black box. The holy men still live to tell the tale. And so does the football.

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.

A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."

Football match Romania – Russia. Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia: “You’ve won! Stop. Congratulations! Stop. Oil! Stop. Gas! Stop...

A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?" "Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Bad Zoo 1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk. 5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King. 6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot. 7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you. 8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den. 9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit. 10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.

"Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game!" Grandpa: "Who's playing?" Grandson: "Austria-Hungary." Grandpa: "Against who?"

During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.