Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it.
Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
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Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.”
The priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”
“Never Father, I’m Jewish.”
“So then, why are you telling me?”
“I’m telling everybody!”
Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viagra?
A: Oooh - Henry!
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sex with them.
One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!"
The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"
Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...
Vote:
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?'
Balls are weak and sensitive.
If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina.
Those things can take a pounding.
A lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.
The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," the lady said.
"Now you have to remove them."
A man is on a plane.
The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on.
The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom.
The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."
One day, a hippie and a nun get on a bus.
The hippie whispers into the nun's ear and says
"You wanna have sex?" and the nun says,
"No way you sicko!", after that, the hippie gets off the bus and tells the bus driver to tell the nuns to go to the graveyard at 9:00pm that night.
At 9:00pm the nun arrives at the graveyard and the hippie is there dressed as god.
The hippie then commands the nun to have sex with him and the nun replies,
"Ok, but can you do it up the back?", the hippie agrees and they do it.
After they're done, the hippie pulls of his mask and yells,
"HA! I am the hippie from the bus" then the nun pulls of HIS mask and says "HA! I am the bus driver!"