Joke #1433

Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.

2 cowboys talking about s*x. 1 cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !" "I haven't heard of that ... " says the other cowboy, "what is it ?" "Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and try and hold on for 8 seconds !"

My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower." "No, just your daughter's head," I replied.

Can I read your t-shirt in braille?

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.

What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.

Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates “Who was the first man?” asked Peter. “Adam.” “That’s correct. Enter.” Soon another man came along. “Where did Adam and Eve live?” ”Eden.” “That’s correct. Enter.” Then Mother Theresa came along. “Ooh, I’ll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?” “Mmm, that IS a hard one.” “Enter.”

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.

When Chuck Norris had a baby he was horny for the nurse and had a 70-inch long.