Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A: A spec.
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How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
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Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian.
Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!"
He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?"
The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day.
The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!"
Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water?
A: A soggy butt.
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Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
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What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea.
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Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
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Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers.
The first boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings."
The second boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose."
The third boy said, "Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his butt."
The first and second boys where amazed.
The second boy said, "Have you seen him do it?"
"No," said the third boy, "but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."
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