Joke #1493

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep? A wooly jumper.

A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. His father just stares at him. "Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."

Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.

Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.

What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".

Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated.

Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."