What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
A Moles Royce.
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Why do zebras have stripes?
Because the spots where all over.
What book did the rabbit take on vacation?
One with a hoppy ending.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
The Captains Dinghy!
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.
How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
It's a place of udder delight.
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?
A bull pull.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."