What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.
What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.
What do you call a poodle with no legs? A sponge.
Two neighbors are talking to each other. First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me? Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well. First neighbor: Really, well then, how? Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A polo bear.