Joke #1501

Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.

What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!

Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen

What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"

Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.

Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea? He drowned in his teepee!

Chuck Norris once separated his powers into five people, they are now called The Avengers.

Two men work in a mortuary. One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today. She'd been in the water for a week. Her clit was like a pickle." "Ew!" says the other fellow. "It was green?" "No, it was sour!"

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."