Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?
A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
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What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat!
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Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A: They just didn't listen
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What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree?
Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
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Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
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What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application?
Your iphone will keep crashing!
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time."
The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit.
She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off.
So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick.
All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day.
He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights.
All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
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Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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