Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses? He was a rough rider!
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.
Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard." Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT." Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."
How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long.
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. “How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said. Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.” St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?” Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?” St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”