Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A: They just didn't listen
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Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?
A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
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Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat!
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What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree?
Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
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Charles isn't in charge.
Chuck is!
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Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar?
A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
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If you have a grief nobody feels,
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels,
but if you fart all will understand.
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Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?
Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
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Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?
A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
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