Joke #1520

Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.

If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£100 and it's yours."

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?

A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last wage packet. ‘This is two hundred pounds short,’ he says. ‘I know,’ says the employer. ‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred pounds, and you didn’t say anything.’ ‘Well,’ says the worker. ‘I don’t mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.’

Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"

Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?

Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax? A: After it reaches 95%

An eminent doctor successfully attended a sick child. A few days later, the grateful mother called on the physician. After expressing her realization of the fact that his services had been of a sort that could not be fully paid for, she continued: "But I hope you will accept as a token from me this purse which I myself have embroidered." The physician replied very coldly to the effect that the fees of the physician must be paid in money, not merely in gratitude, and he added: "Presents maintain friendship: they do not maintain a family." "What is your fee?" the woman inquired. "Two hundred dollars," was the answer. The woman opened the purse, and took from it five $100 bills. She put back three, handed two to the discomfited physician, then took her departure.