Joke #1520

Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money

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A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, drunk, money
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, money, Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
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has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, money
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
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has 85.06 % from 1981 votes. More jokes about: dating, dirty, money, sex
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation. It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company. The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive. I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy. I wish well to myself.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: health, money
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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has 42.26 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, money
A man went to his lawyer and told him, ‘My neighbour owes me £500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?’ ‘Do you have any proof he owes you the money?’ asked the lawyer. ‘Nope,’ replied the man. ‘OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,’ said the lawyer. ‘But it’s only £500,’ replied the man. ‘Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!’
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has 85.54 % from 436 votes. More jokes about: money
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, money, wedding