Joke #4600

Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money

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A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, money
He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.
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has 16.16 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo mama's so poor, I was driving with her and she parked next to a garbage can. I asked, "What're you doing?" She said: "I'm booking us a hotel!"
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: driving, money, travel, Yo mama
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.” “That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I can only sell the car.” “Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ‘fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.” The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?” “No,” replied the blonde, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, money, stupid
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars.” To which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.” The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.” The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!” The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!” The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.” To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
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has 72.79 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, lawyer, money
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
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has 85.04 % from 347 votes. More jokes about: money, women
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"
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has 26.76 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: money, redneck, time
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money
English Class Teacher: "One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?" Student: "Future impossible tense."
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: communication, money, school, student, teacher
Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood? A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
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has 76.31 % from 460 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, ethnic, mexican, money