Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
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Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dic-tater.
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror…
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What is a man's definition of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man?
Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed.
Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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