Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
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Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I'm lonely.
I wish my friends were back here."
Vote:
What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.
A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Why do women make better soldiers?
Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
There was an ad in the newspaper:
An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.
The photo of the tractor is required.