Joke #3219

How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.

A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.

Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.