How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.
If you catch a man…throw him back.
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night? He controls himself.
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.” Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. ”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. ”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”