How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
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Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
A nude guy was sunbathing at the beach, a little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl asks, "hats under there?"
So the man answers , "A bird..."
The girl goes away & the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital & in alot of pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed & asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach & fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they got there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man...?
She answers, "I din't do anything to the man, but he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!"
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
They put one man on the moon.
Why can’t they put them all there?
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
Q: What would men do if they had breasts?
A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
A guy walked into his friend’s office.
He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither. He’s bald."