What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
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Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there.
Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job.
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
Vote:
There once was a fellow from Kent
Who had such a long instrument.
To stay out of trouble
He folded it double.
And instead of coming he went.
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man?
A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.