Joke #1569

Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
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has 22.88 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: black humor

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Q: How do Asians name their babies? A: They throw a can down the stairs.
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Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ? A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
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Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"
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has 82.92 % from 342 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death, family, heaven
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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has 77.36 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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has 79.48 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: black humor, couple, death, money, old people
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.
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has 48.51 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: black humor
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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has 81.43 % from 636 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, lawyer
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, women
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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has 28.82 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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has 80.94 % from 182 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mexican, money, work