Joke #1569

Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.

Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"

They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.

Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!

Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"

What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl? Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz

Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!

A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"

Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...