Joke #1569

Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.

Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."

What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!

"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!" "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor..."