Why does the witch not wear panties when flying? Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs. He replied, "Depends."
Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
There was a horny young lady named Lil, Who fucked dynamite sticks for a thrill. They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil!
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together. Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared. "What happened?" asks his bride. "I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob. On the wall? Art. On the floor? Matt.