Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer. Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way. My dad left it to me in his will.
A man went to his lawyer and told him, ‘My neighbour owes me £500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?’ ‘Do you have any proof he owes you the money?’ asked the lawyer. ‘Nope,’ replied the man. ‘OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,’ said the lawyer. ‘But it’s only £500,’ replied the man. ‘Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!’
I make money the old-fashioned way. My salary is the same as it was ten years ago
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house? Don’t pay the water bill.
My uncle is very mean. I went round the other day and found him stripping the wallpaper. He wasn’t redecorating, he was moving.
Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?" "No!" said Crumm. "What do you want, then?" "Nothing!" "Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody. "Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates are cheaper!"
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."