He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
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So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
Using a credit card is a convenient way to spend money you wish you had.
‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store.
She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’
Bob Hope
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
My grandfather came from a very poor family.
The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
Why does ET have such big eyes?
He saw the phone bill.
Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer?
He liked cold hard cash!
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!