He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
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Yo mama so fat and poor the only thing she could afford to eat was grease.
How do you tell when time is reversing?
When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did?
What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about?
That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said.
"there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed.
"They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date.
Finally, he arrived after midnight.
"Were you worried, father?"
"Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..."
"It cost me only four euros!"
"Hmm, it's not that much."
"I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."
Q: What travels at 200km's a hour?
A: A Mexican hearing a dollar drop to the ground.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic?
A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.