Joke #4530

He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
Vote:
has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
Vote:
has 54.44 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, food, money, sex
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Vote:
has 85.34 % from 2440 votes. More jokes about: cop, horse, insulting, money, Santa
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
Vote:
has 86.28 % from 2174 votes. More jokes about: computer, drug, IT, medical, money
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Vote:
has 40.31 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, money
Money spoils people, thus folks of Sierra Leone are really good.
Vote:
has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money
Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!
Vote:
has 19.74 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: money, political, republican
There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
Vote:
has 69.17 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: money
A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office. Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes, and whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double. The man asks for his first wish. "The first thing I want is a million dollars." The genie says, "Okay, but you know that your wife gets two million." The man said, "That's okay. My second wish is for a large house on a remote tropical paradise." The genie says, "Then your wife will have two beautiful houses." The man replied, "That's fine. Now for my third wish. I want you to beat me half to death."
Vote:
has 76.51 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: death, genie, mean, money, wife
The first paper money press was invented when Chuck Norris drew a design under his boot and stepped on a tree.
Vote:
has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money