Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
A policeman has just stopped a drunk driver and given him a breathalyser test. ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ says the policeman. ‘But this bag tells me you’ve been drinking too much.’ ‘What a coincidence!’ exclaims the driver. ‘I’ve got a bag at home that does the exactly the same thing!'
Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
There was a man who had at least four to five drinks of whisky every day of his adult life. When he died, they cremated him, and it took two days to put out the fire!
David Hasselhoff walks into a bar, and says to the barman, ‘I want you to call me David Hoff.’ ‘Sure,’ says the barman. ‘No hassle.’
I gave up alcohol last year. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game? Because all the fans have left.
Why are football stadiums always cool? "Because they're full of fans."
Two blonde football fans are walking along the road when one of them picks up a mirror. He looks in it and says, 'Hey, I know that person!' The second one picks it up and says, 'Of course you do, you idiot, it's me'.
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."