Joke #1740

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta
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has 45.60 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: kids

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An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
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has 82.59 % from 851 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe? A: He called a toe truck.
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: kids
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision.” “Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”
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has 80.95 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: age, hospital, kids
Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
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has 75.43 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, sport, Yo mama
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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has 60.97 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids, morbid
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 80.23 % from 526 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty, kids
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours? A: Nacho cheese!;)
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has 63.78 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: kids
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?" The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must of shot the bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
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has 85.35 % from 362 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, kids, life
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!
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has 76.61 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: baby, heaven, kids
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, weather