Facebook: "My kids are perfect." Instagram: "My kids are beautiful." Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
If Chuck Norris were to write his own "Chuck Norris Facts", this website would have to be changed to "Chuck Norris Laws.com".
Little Johnny and Mary were standing at the beach in their bathing suits. Johnny says to Mary, hey you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Mary says ok, and drops her bathing suit the same time as Johnie. He look and gasps you don't got one of these, but Mary laughs and says Yea, but with one of these I can get as many of those I want.
Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?" Kangaroo: "I can't find my children" Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?" Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, What are you in here for? The second kid says, Im in here to get my tonsils out and Im a little nervous. The first kid says, Youve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. Its a breeze. Cool, says the second kid. What are you in here for? A circumcision. Whoa! exclaims the second kid. Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldnt walk for a year.
Chuck Norris's e-mail adress is [email protected]
When you google up Chuck Norris, he googles you back for revenge.
Yo Mama's so Web 2.0, she makes you call her Mothr!
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang". I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."