Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
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I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
"Where did you born?"
"At the hospital!"
"Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"
I have two accounts on Facebook it means I have two faces.
It's really good because one is cuter to attract people.
Q: What did the little black boy say as he was sliding down a zebra?
A: Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't...
Vote:
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail?
Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
Girls are like an internet virus:
they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...
Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet?
A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.
Vote:
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?"
The Harvard student replies "At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition."
The kid said, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"