Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
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I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?
A: They never want to log off.
PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
A: Because they can't stop saving their work.
Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office.
Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy."
When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children."
"Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman.
"That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker.
"Oh, den I uses the last names."
Vote:
What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
"Have you got the address of the butter website?"
"Yes, but don't spread it around."
Vote:
Yo Mama's so Web 2.0, she makes you call her Mothr!