Joke #11729

Facebook: "My kids are perfect." Instagram: "My kids are beautiful." Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: internet, kids

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I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.
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"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!" "Don't you mean netsurfing?" "No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"
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Little Johnny was watching TV with his mother. Johnny: "Why is this tampon commercial so long?" Mother: "This is my favorite show called 90210." Johnny: ...
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has 44.51 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: communication, kids, little Johnny, time
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
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has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: bird, health, internet
Awwww, kids. They blow up so fast... Get it, kids grow up so fast.
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I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
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has 70.76 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: internet, stupid, technology, weather