Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
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I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang".
I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."
Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife.
Boy:- papa mom has died.
father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America
Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.
What did the black kid get for Christmas?
YOUR BIKE!
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"Mommy! Do Angels fly?"
"Yes, they do my love!"
"Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!"
"Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
I have two accounts on Facebook it means I have two faces.
It's really good because one is cuter to attract people.
Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
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It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.
He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date.
Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"
"Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."
Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer?
A: They never get old.
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