Did you hear about the baby who swallowed a pin?
It was OK.
It was a safety pin.
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Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
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It gives me a solution to this whole inner city gang problem that we seem to be having.
I just got to get some people behind me, right?
I think we need about 20 or 25 grandmothers, give them all belts and do one big drive-by whupping on these kids.
Agnes married and had 13 children.
When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, theyre finally together.
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common?
Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.
Two men are chatting;
"My son asked me: 'Daddy, where do children come from?'"
"It's not a big deal... Today kids are interested in that matter on the early years."
"Yeah men, but the real issue here is that my son is... married... for five years!"
A little girl is in line to see Santa.
When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl.
"She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi was four years old
One day Pepito was having a shower with his father when he saw his fathers penis.
He asked his father what it was and his father replied "this is my racing car".
The next night Pepito heard moaning in his parents room, being curious he peeped in to see what was happening.
He then saw his father on top of his mother, while looking his father saw him and told him to go to his room.
"OK, but I'm not sure you're driving that racing car properly" replied Pepito.