Joke #1762

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?

Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey. "Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?" "Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Petrus says: You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you. You may choose "heaven" or "hell". Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table. Bill takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling. So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hell! Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. So Bill says : hey, what the hell is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sex? The devil says: 'That was just a demo version."