Joke #3891

A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia. ‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor. ‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer. ‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
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A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
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Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
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Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
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Basketball is the perfect game for a black person. All you do is run, shoot and steal.
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Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.
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Yo'Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.
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Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
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The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
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Is your goalmouth open? High five!
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Mama Bear and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand. The judge says, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "He beats me." The judge then asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "She beats me too." So the judge says, "So who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody."
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