What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor?
A: Not cool.
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What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
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Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
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My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
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I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
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Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.
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"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality."
"Who told you that?"
"Gynecologist."
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What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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