What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door? A nigger with a spear through his head.
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes? A: Jews have 10 fingers.