What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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Strong people don't put other people down.
They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
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Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
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How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it’s head.
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Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.
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Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
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Q: What does FUBU really stand for?
A: Farmers used to buy us.
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A: How do children in Baghdad do?
A: Bombastically.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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