What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob. On the wall? Art. On the floor? Matt.
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!" Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Boy while kissing his girlfriend: "Thank u baby... For give me your chewing gum.." Girl says, "This is not chewing gum my love. I’m suffering from cough!"
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom? They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.
A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first? The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank? A: Drinking on the job.