Joke #1841

Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."

What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money.

Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"

This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."

A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."

Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: How was copper wire invented? A: Two jews fighting over a penny.

A 67 year old Billionaire from Yorkshire marries a 26 year old woman and takes her down the pub to introduce to his mates... When his mates see him walk through the door with his new wife they can't believe their eyes. "By eck old lad! How av you managed to pull a reyt nice lass like her?" The Yorkshireman replies, "It was easy! I gave her a bit of the old Yorkshire charm and then just lied about my age as well." "Ah I see, so you told her you was fotty?" Asks his friend. "No ya daft bugger! I told her I was 90!"

Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.