Joke #1859

There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving one day. So he went to the deepest part of the beach, got on his gear, and went underwater. He decides to go down 20 feet, and there he sees another guy with no equipment on. The man thought this was strange but we forgot about it and went down another 20 feet. There, he sees the same guy down there with no gear on. But the man decided to forget about it and go down another 20 feet. When he does, he sees the same guy 60 feet underwater with no gear on. Finally the man writes a note asking this guy how he can go so deep underwater without any gear. The guy writes back, ''Because I'm drowning, asshole!''

Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.

He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!" "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."

Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

Fishing in a frozen lake It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spat the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"

Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.

Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A: A baseball bat.

Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."

Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV. "Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?" "I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied. "You haven’t touched me in months. We’re going to talk about sex right now!" "OK, OK. So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

Is your goalmouth open? High five!