Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
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Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up."
When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress."
The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up."
He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.
Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him.
He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy."
Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.
Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs...
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
Chuck Norris sky dives without a parachute.
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There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau.
Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line.
Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."