Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos. 
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Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.
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Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A: Playing Frisbee.
Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.
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Dad shouts ..."STOP WATCHIN P*RN....I CAN HEAR IT IN MY ROOM!"
Son: Dad...I am NOT watching p*rn... That is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!
Why are baseball players in trouble with the law so often?
They always hit and run.
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.
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Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.
Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs...
A man is participating in a golf tournament.
He was left to golf with just his caddy.
On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups.
The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty.
However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty.
Suddenly, Mother Nature appears.
"What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter."
"Thanks," says the man.
"But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"