Joke #1913

Why do moths fly with their legs open? Cause they've got huge mothballs!

What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."

Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah.

Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah. ‘Hello,’ I thought. ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."

Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!