Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!
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A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?
In a pellet court!
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves.
They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.
"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."
"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."
"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."
A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons.
"Gerald - the house you bought was too big.
I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house.
Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old.
But Robert - you know exactly what I like.
The chicken was delicious."
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
They re both brown, except the snowball.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.