Why do moths fly with their legs open? Cause they've got huge mothballs!
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride!
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!” The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize. "To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'" "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner said; “no, I don’t sell duck food here”. The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner became very angry and said; “if you ask me for “duck-food” one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!” The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; “do you sell any hammer and nails here?” The owner answered; “no, I don’t sell any hammer and nails here”. The duck then asked; “do you sell any “duck-food” here”?