What do women and condoms have in common?
If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice!
She said "Gym or me".
Sometimes I miss her.
What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman?
4 drinks.
Q: Why do some women look at blank paper?
A: They like to read their rights.
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for £1 million?
Woman: Why Winston, yes I would.
Churchill: What about £10?
Woman: What sort of woman do you think I am?
Churchill: We have already established what sort of woman you are, now we are just negotiating the price.
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No! Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer.
"Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want."
The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?”
“Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
"There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works."