The soldier serving in Iraq was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
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Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?
A: He elected to receive.
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one,
“that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby.
Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.
"No !" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
"You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer.
"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,
"That's not it" and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
A Kentuckian entered the US Army and was in his first week of basic training.
He lived in the back hills and was not used to the modern amenities.
On the first day, he was issued a comb.
On the second day they sent him to the barber to cut off his hair.
On the third day he was issued a toothbrush and toothpaste.
On the fourth day he was sent to the dentist and they pulled ten of his teeth.
On the fifth day he was issued an athletic supporter.
On the sixth day he went AWOL.
The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:
"Dear Mary, I can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!"