Joke #2972

A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?" "Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"

What soldiers smell of salt and pepper? Seasoned troops!

During the Iraq war, a Lieutenant asked the soldier why he was falling back during a really fierce battle, "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?" The soldier replied, "I got my four Sir."

One day, Hitler decided to test out the skills of several prisoners in Treblinka. As the first test, he had his soldiers bring him out the three prisoners, then line them up before him. "How high can you jump?" he asks the first one. "About 1 meter," answers the prisoner. Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier. "Take this one back to work, but give him 1 kilogram of rye bread." After the soldier did as he was told, Hitler stood before the second prisoner. "How high can you jump?" he asks again. After a moment of thinking, the prisoner says. "Two meters, if I really try." Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier again. "Take this one back to work too, but give him two kilograms of rye bread." Observing this, the third prisoner did the maths and hatched a plan. Finally, Hitler stood face to face with him. "How high can you jump?" he asked him at last prisoner. "My most illustrious Führer, I can jump 5 meters!" said the prisoner as a smug grin bloomed on his face. Hitler frowned before turning to his soldier. "Tell me, Walter: how tall are the walls around the camp?" "Three meters, my Führer!" cried the soldier. Hitler nodded again before turning to the last prisoner. "In that case, shoot this one: he may become a problem in the future."

A private was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. ‘You can take your choice, Private – one month’s restriction or twenty days’ pay,’ said the officer. ‘All right, sir,’ said the bright soldier, ‘I’ll take the money.’

During the Cold War days, a Russian pilot is captured by the US Army and locked up for interrogation. US interrogator: "Tell us about the plans of the MiG-50 Fighter!" Russian pilot: "I don't know" He is beaten up, then he's interrogated again... US interrogator: "Tell us about the plans of the MiG-50 fighter!" Russian pilot: "I have no idea about anything, I swear!" He is beaten up again, then again and again, and finally the Americans get tired of interrogating him, so they let him go back to Russia. In Russia, when he first meets his pilot comrades, he tells them: "Comrades, learn the MiG-50 plans well, 'cause the Americans almost had me killed for not knowing them!"

French Army rifles for sale – never fired and only dropped once!

A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 P.M. he sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. “Do you know how to work this thing?” the General asks. “My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it.” “Yes, sir,” says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in. “Now,” says the General, “I just need one copy…”

How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"

During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating. They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."