Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!
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First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck.
Some time went by, and the case got to court.
The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him."
Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?"
I said, "I never felt better in my life."
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
No chicken dies a virgin.
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
What is a frogs favorite time?
Leap Year!
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?
A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."
Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show?
A: The feather forecast!