What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest.
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A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine.
Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast.
As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover.
His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff.
The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head.
He just had to save his friend.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female.
"Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
Why don't whales eat sushi very often?
Of course whales like sushi.
It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head?
Steer phones.
How do you make a rabbit fast?
Don't feed it.
A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.
She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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