What is a chameleon's motto? A change is as good as a rest.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.
Yo Momma is so fat… That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
What does a frog say when it sees something' great? Toadly awesome!
One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"