What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.
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If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares.
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.
Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Vote:
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning.
But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede,
“Where were you during the first half?”
He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?