What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.
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Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?
The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!"
"There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time.
My fee, of course, will be $1,500."
Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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Did you find my horse well behaved?
Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk."
Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit.
“Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
“That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down.
“But when will I meet her?”
“Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.