Joke #9949

What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher? Ground round.

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.  He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"  Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."  Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"  Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."  Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"  Boy just laughs and keeps walking.  That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.  Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.  Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"  Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."  Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"  Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."  Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"  Boy just laughs and keeps walking.  That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.  Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.  Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"  Boy says "It's a pussy willow."  Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."

What did the cow wear to the football game? A Jersey.

A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"

You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.

What's the fastest way to send a rabbit? Haremail.

The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?

A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."

The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree. Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them: Who pulled out this tree from his root? Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".