Joke #2285

What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
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has 14.73 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal

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What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt? Tricera-bottoms.
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
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has 70.85 % from 536 votes. More jokes about: animal, Facebook, technology
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a mane-lion station.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
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has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, money
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, game