Joke #2285

What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
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has 15.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper. There was another knock, so he opened the door again. This time, he looked down and saw a small snail. "Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail said. The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading. A year later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail. "What'd you do that for?"
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has 71.05 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.” “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
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has 79.93 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, hunting, wife
Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship. His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!" One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician. Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!"
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal