What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers. When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing. "Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?" "I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pull yourself up.” And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes!
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night.
A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled, "A crocodile, a crocodile!" The woman woke up and asked, "Where, where?" A man cried again, "O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"