Joke #2285

What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
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has 14.73 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!
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Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.
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Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, money, Yo mama
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
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has 32.71 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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has 29.27 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, food, mother in law
Why do police dogs lick their balls? To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
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has 34.31 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog, racist