What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting. On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear." The hunters go out and return with two bears. So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!" But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board. After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears. After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank. Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are. The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."
How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."