Joke #9948

What is a moo hoo for a cow fight? A cattle battle.

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this. Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God! Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!

How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.

What’s a black spot between two white spots? A fly with cotton wool in her ears!

If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?

Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."

Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.