My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
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Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
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A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest.
The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out.
So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole.
The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out.
Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.”
The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.”
The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue.
Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand.
The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”.
The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?"
"Yes, we are. Why you ask?"
The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?"
"Yes I am!" says the mom with pride.
The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that we’re very poisonous?"
"Damn sure! We’re the most poisonous snakes in the whole world! But why you ask?"
The little cobra burst into tears; "Cause I bit my tongue a bit before!"
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
He always said "Neigh"
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.