Joke #4503

My cat can talk. I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.

A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner. In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence. After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first. After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me." Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet," he says. The bear laughed, what an idiotic wish to make he thought to himself. The bear then says, "I wish for all the bears in this country to be female except me." The rabbit next says, "I wish for a motorcycle that requires no gas." The bear, almost tearing from laughter, says, "You could have wished for money to get those two things!" He then proceeds to make his final wish, after thinking for a while, he says to the frog, "I wish for all the bears in the world to be female except for me!" He smiles smugly. The rabit then puts on his helmet, hops on his motorcycle, grins to the bear and says, "I wish for this bear to be gay."

The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer. "Get to work," the store-keeper urged. "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared. When this had been provided: "Now give me a quart of whiskey." Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly: "Now show me the cellar." An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted: "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"

What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.

If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get? "Beeflt!"

What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow? A tail pail.

What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares.

That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing. I told you he was a bum steer.