My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
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What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A: Pork Chop.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked.
"Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?"
"About two and a half feet."
"Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!