When is a farmer like a magician? When he turns his cow into pasture.
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat? He had to get a new goat.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah.
What did the idiot call his pet zebra? Spot!
Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid.
Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals." The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon." Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why? The rabbit had two b's already.
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government? A: A civil serpent.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.