Joke #230

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"

Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please do not die Kevin Bacon.

Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working? A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

A Serb and an Albanian from Kosovo found a lamp, rubbed it and the Ginnie showed up in front of them. "I will grant you three wishes for setting me free out of this lamp. But, since there are two of you, one can have two wishes and the other only one". A Serb said: "I am very modest, I'll have one wish. Let my Albanian friend have two". "What is your first wish?", the Ginnie asked Albanian. "I wish that there are no Serbs in Kosovo at all any more". "Done", said the Ginnie. " What is your second wish?" "I wish that whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall, so no more Serbs can return ever again". " Done", said the Ginnie. "Now you", sad the Ginnie to a Serb, "What is that you wish?". A Serb was thinking for a moment, than asked the Ginnie: "Are there realy no more Serbs in Kosovo at all?". "That's right", said the Ginnie. "And whole of Kosovo is surrounded with high wall?", a Serb asked again. "It certainly is. All around. Not even a fly could enter it now", the Ginnie replied. Then Serb said: "OK, now fill it up with water""

Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!

Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!

Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable? A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.

Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"

A school in the United States is on fire. One fireman is throwing the kids through the window, while the other one is standing on the ground and catching them. After half of an hour the upper fireman asks: Hey man, why aren't you catching black kids? Oh damn, I thought these were the burnt ones.