Joke #2376

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from

Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.

If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?'' "Hell no," Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. "Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?" "I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said. So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!" "I didn't." Jeff said. "They're your pants."

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.

What’s sicker than driving over a baby? Skidding.

What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.

Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what." Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready." Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave." Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know." Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you." Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does." Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry." Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red." Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going." Her: "I'm really on my period." Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."

Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.

Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.