Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.
Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!" Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.