Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
"Doctor, I have a problem..." "What’s your problem?" "I pee in my sleep, every night!" "Why?" "Oh, well... Every night, a little devil visits me in my sleep and asks me; “Did we pee today?”. "And, that’s it? The solution is so simple.. Listen to me! If the little devil comes again you’re gonna answer; 'Yeah, dude, I did!'" "And that will cut it off?" "Sure! Like a knife!" At night, the little devil showed up on the patient’s dream and whispered; "Did we pee today?" "Yeah, dude, I did!" said angry the guy. And little devil replied: "What about poop?"
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. "What the hell is this?" he asks the pastor. "Why, it's a toilet brush." "Ooh, I see," says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working. "Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper."
Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common? A: You push them both aside when you eat.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.