Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says, "But sir, its just a sperm bank!" "I don't care, open it now!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says, "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" she looks at him, "BUT, they are sperm samples?" "DO IT!" So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well," so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey its not that hard."
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?" Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back? A: To keep its nuts dry
A famous American golfer is invited to go to China for a golfing tournament. From the second he gets there, he is treated like a king. He is given five-star treatment in a five-star hotel until the day of the tournament. The night before the tournament, he is sitting in his hotel room watching TV. A hot Asian girl walks up to his room and he says, "Wow. They must really love me here." He begins to have sex with her the whole night. She continues to scream, "Chung Hoi! Chung Hoi!," but he ignores it. At the tournament, the American golfer gets a hole-in-one and gets really excited. He starts yelling, "Chung Hoi! Chung Hoi!" One of the Chinese golfers says, "What do you mean 'WRONG HOLE'?"
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? You come in one and you go in the other!