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My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.
So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
A man walks into a sperm Bank.
He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle.
He decides to start a conversation with him.
He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?"
The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.
A pregnant woman is about to give birth.
The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups.
Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through.
Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”.
The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”.
With that, the baby pops right back inside.
“Damn!”, says the doctor.
A short while later he sees the head push through again.
“Are you my dad?”, asks the baby.
“No, I am your doctor.”, he replies.
Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb.
The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”.
Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out.
“Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father.
The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!”
The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries.
"Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk.
If you want it harder, you say tomato.
If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?"
The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."
Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
Three policemen are sitting in a car.
Bored, as cards and domino make them sick already.
On thinks of an idea:
Guys, lets play golf.
All we need is a stick, ball and a hole.
I can arrange a stick, – one says.
I will get a ball, - adds another.
Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.